Sweet Snow Anonymous
by Hn.Fool
Summary: Kinda like Alcoholics Anonymous...but for Hiei's Sweet Snow Obsession. R&R...This is my first fic. Be Nice...or don't...I don't really care. CHAPTER 11 IS UP! And people across the land have lost bowel control because of it: Yay! Rating for some cussing.
1. You need help

/Action/

" Someone Talking"

' Thoughts'

(Author interruptions.....I'm the Author and therfore interrupt whenever I wish.......Muahahahahahahaha!)

**Chapter 1 (You need help)**

Kurama walks home after school and upon reaching his house hears a loud groan. Taking precaution he goes through the back door not to be caught by whatever is emmitting the strange pained noise. ' I better be careful....there's no telling what this could be....glad mother isn't home...' /groan/.....'Wait a second.....I recognize that voice'...."HIEI!!!!"

Hiei lay on the floor next to the open freezer. His black cloak was covered with cream and pink melted goo. He had done it again. For the third time this week, Hiei had snuck into his friend's house and eaten the ENTIRE GALLON of ice cream.....just as fast as he moves, and gotten a brain freeze...not to mention....a horrible stomach ache.

"Hiei....Oh NOT AGAIN!!!" Kurama let out a small laugh as he realized just how pathetic Hiei actually looked. His normally stern features were moved to a baby-like pout as he curled on the floor with his arms around his stomach in pure agony. Kurama couldn't help but roll on the floor next to him laughing as Hiei gave the NOW empty carton one of his traditional death glares. Hiei turned his glare to Kurama. "Baka Kitsune!" Just as he said that Hiei passed out. Kurama controlled himself and stood up looking at the small Koorime. "Oh Hiei." Kurama's look changed from happiness to worry. 'Why does he eat it until it hurts.....poor thing.....no matter how much it hurts him....he still loves it.' Kurama came to this realization and decided that Hiei needed professional help. He needed someone to get the little fire demon out of his "sweet snow" obssession. Hiei had been rushed to the hospital several times for overeating....having to get his stomach pumped......gone to jail four times for stealing it because he had no ningen money.....and them SEVEN times arrested for beating the ice cream man into a bloody pulp for telling him to wait his turn.....THAT WAS HORRIBLE!

Kurama picked Hiei up and placed him on the couch, deciding to call Yusuke for advice.... (Kurama just got off the short bus.....only an idiot would ask Yusuke for advice.....Twitch.....but he did......on with the story.)

Yusuke: "Urameshi residence, Yusuke speaking."

Kurama: "Yusuke"

Yusuke: "Kurama! Hey what's up?!"

Kurama: "Hiei did it again."

Yusuke: "Which it?"

Kurama: /Sweatdrop/......"The ice cream it Yusuke, he needs help."

Yusuke: "What Ice Cream thing?"

Kurama: /Anime falls/..... (I forgot to mention Yusuke still rides the short bus) ....

Yusuke: "Oooh....THAT Ice Cream thing!"

Kurama: "Yes Yusuke........./Twitch/.....THAT Ice Cream thing!"

They contemplate a plan to help Hiei.... (I didn't type what happened....life's too short to type a stupid conversation) .....

Kurama: "It's settled then....we'll take him to the shrink tomorrow."

Yusuke: /No responce/

Kurama: "Yusuke?.....Yusuke????.....YUSUKE!!!"

Yusuke: ...."Huh?....what?.....It's Shiny....I mean....yes Kurama.....Bye now"

Kurama: "Goodbye." -.-;;;

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Will they succeed?......Will Hiei agree to this?......Will Yusuke ever find shiny? **_-.-;;;_.**.........Will Yusuke ever get **_OFF_** the short bus?!....No. **Review.....or I shall forever sentence you to helping Yusuke find shiny!.../**_Glare/_

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	2. Sleep Crazy Sleep

**Chapter2: (_Sleep Crazy Sleep)_**

Hiei awakes several hours later only to find himself on Kurama's couch. He vaguely remembers what happened but he feels a sudden urge to eat some sweet snow...( -.-;;;) Kurama hears rattling in the kitchen and goes to check it out. He notices that Hiei isn't sleeping anymore and wonder where he is....(Sorry people....bear with me here, Kurama is suffering from ADD at the moment. /beats Kurama/....um....hehe)

Kurama: "Ow...The Pain."

(AHEM!....anyways)

Kurama walks to the kitchen and sees Hiei with his head in the freezer throwing frozen goods on the floor.....Kurama continues to stare in awe.....until he gets hit in the head with a fish and falls to the floor. (Maybe the stupid fox will FOCUS!!! /whacks Kurama with the fish/...um..) Kurama gets up after the war of frozen food seized fire. Looking up to see Hiei glaring at him. He gives a weak smile and gets up with whatever dignity he has left.

Hiei: "WHERE IS MY SWEET SNOW YOU HALF NINGEN BAKA KITSUNE!!!!"

Kurama: "Um....you ate it all remember."

Hiei: "KURAMA!!!!".....Fire rises from Hiei's eyes, he takes a step forward as a warning to his friend who cowers in fear in the corner......./Hiei is now on the floor screaming in pure torment/.....(wait....WHAT?)

Hiei: "WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!!!!!!!!!!"

Kurama: -.-;;; "Um...Hiei...are you okay?"

Hiei: /Regains composure/......."I WANT MY SWEET SNOW BAKA!!!.....GO GET MORE!!!!"...../Hiei turns around after giving the order/

Kurama: /Whacks Hiei in the head with the damn fish!/.....(Glares at Kurama)....."Sorry Hiei, but it's for your own good."

Hiei passes out and Kurama carrying him back to the couch hopes Hiei will sleep till morning....maybe the visit to the therapy session will help....Kurama could only hope.

Kurama goes up to finish his homework.....(Although...it's...Friday!!!! /Twitch/).....

' /Sigh/ Maybe now I can get some rest.../Lays down on his bed/....wonder how we're gonna take Hiei to therapy without him killing us.....can we even get him to therapy.....will he agree to seeing a human to help him..../Sigh..Yawn/....guess we'll know soon enough.'

(Birds Chirp....Dew Drips.....Sun creeps up.....ANNOYING ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF!!!)

Beep...Beep....BEEP!!!!......**BEEP!!!!!** (Is it just me or do alarm clocks usually ger louder each time as though they're angry at you for not waking up?)

Kurama stirs waking up and....(BEATS THE ALARM CLOCK UNTIL IT IS DIVIDED INTO A MILLION PIECES!!!! YES!!!YES!!!YES!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)....actually...He presses the sleep button. (How Anticlimactic!...-.-;;;)

He takes a quick shower....../30 minutes later/......(/comes into the bathroom with a megaphone/.....I SAID **_QUICK_** SHOWER!!!)......Kurama comes out and dresses then heads downstairs to find the little fire demon still asleep.

Kurama: "Good....we'll just get him there without any trouble."

Hiei: "Get me where....**_fox_**!"

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TBC 

You know what to do people..../People look at me like Yusuke looks at shiny/....(The look reminds me of a baby that just shit itself).....Aww...../Flames Rise! Demonic Voice/.....**_REVIEW!!!!_**


	3. Ride of Death

I don't usually say anything before begining a chapter but one of my beloved reviewers asked what a "Short bus" is. It's really quite simple. A short bus is a school bus which is used to take the mentally handicapped children to school. I use the term "SHORT BUS MOMENT" when the characters act a bit....Slow. /Glares at Kurama and Yusuke/....Well on with the story.

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**_Chapter 3: Ride of Death_**

'What am I to do?....Hiei would never agree to a therapy session....He hates the mall....where should I say we're going?......Oh....GOT IT!!!!'

**Kurama: **We're going to get more sweet snow Hiei....you ate it all last night remember.

**Hiei: **Hn. You hit me with a fish...../Pouts/......Asshole!

**Kurama: **I'm Sor- Wait....you did it to me too ASSHOLE!!!!

**Hiei: **/sniffle/......All....I....wanted.....was.....some.....sweet snow.....and.....you....hit...me...with....a.....fish!!!! I hit you on accident./sniffle/

Hiei looked 4 now....he had a miserable look on his face. Kurama felt really bad now especially since Hiei won't get to eat his sweet snow anymore, not after the therapy session.

**Kurama: **-.-;;; Uh....Hiei.....I'm sorry. Forgive me.

**Hiei: **Hn

**Kurama: **/Cheery happy voice/ Good! Friendship isn't worth losing over sweet snow!....(He's immitating Boton?.....WHERE'S THAT FISH?)

**Hiei: **/Twitch/....you sounded like the baka fiery onna!

**Kurama: **um..../Clasps hands/....Puu.

**Hiei: **/Sweatdrop/....(Author gets a nose bleed)

**Kurama: **Hehe..../Horn blows/.....Shall we go Hiei? Yusuke's here to pick us up.

**Hiei: **Hn....I suppose fox. 'Baka Kitsune...wait....Yusuke. Is. Picking. Us. Up?!?!?!?!?!'.......Um, Kurama....what do you mean he's "Picking us up"?

**Kurama:** He got his licence about a week ago. He's _driving _us.

**Hiei & Author: **_AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! _Yusuke DRIVING!!!!!! YUSUKE?!?! DRIVING!?!?!

Yusuke is outside in his mom's station wagon.....(Won't look like one for long).....Yusuke looked lost....actually, he thought he saw shiny.(-.-;;;;) Hiei and Kurama went outside to meet him. Kurama sat up front with Yusuke while Hiei sat in the back. Hiei is now wondering if his superspeed could save him from the screaming metal death trap. Kurama was wondering if he fed his plants. (Deep...Cleansing....Breaths) Yusuke without warning stepped on the gas and started to scream maniaclly.

**Yusuke: **SHINY!!!! WAIT FOR ME!!!!! I GOT YOU NOW!!!!!! YAY!!!! SHINY WANTS TO PLAY CHICKEN WITH AN 18-WHEELER!!!! I WANT TO PLAY TOO SHINY!!!!!!!! SHINY!!!!

**Hiei: **'I never even got to tell Yukina I'm her brother....or call Kuwabara KUWABAKA!.....Or tell Kurama that his Yoko side sings Barbie Girl in the shower.....or Botan that her oar is not alive.....I never evenhad a chancetomarrymy chocolate chip cookie dough sweet snow!!!!!! So much life unlived.....so much Yusuke to kill. Damn ADD. Damn oar.....Damn Kurama's calm ass!!!!'......YUSUKE!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND SHINY!!!! KURAMA!!!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!! YUSUKE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!!!!

**Kurama:** 'I know I fed the fern......watered the rose bush.....but did I wrap a scarf around the flower pot....it stayed out all night....poor buttercup. Why is Hiei yelling....why are we going 80?.....Why is there an 18-wheeler coming at us?......I **_did _**wrap a scarf around my little buttercup! Yay!

The car continues at 80 and the semi continues at 65. (If the Semi leaves the station at 7 going 65 miles an hour...and Yusuke's dumb ass leaves the house at the same time going 80....how long would it take for Kurama to snap out of it?!)

**Kurama: **Aah....Spring.

**Hiei: **IT'S WINTERBAKA!!!!! Snap out of it if you ever want to live to see your plants again!!!!

**Kurama: **....Huh. What?.......YUSUKE!!!!!! THAT'S A TRUCK!!!!!

Kurama swerves the car avoiding the Semi and crashing into an oak....then he's off to lala land again as he admires the oak he crashed into! (Note to self: Develop telekenises and drop the oak on Kurama's head so he too can see SHINY!)

**Yusuke: **So....where were we going again?....and why is Hiei cluching his heart like that?

**Hiei: **/cries/.....All I wanted was sweet snow.....that's all I ever wanted.....and now we're here.....in. an. oak. tree. /Twitch/

Surprizingly the oak was right next to the therapy center. Hiei passes out from the shock and near heart attack he had and is carried into the therapy center not realizing what is going on.

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So.....I know you either liked it, or you hated it, or you thought it was okay. Review....or I will NEVER finish and you will be doomed to accept this as your ending chapteryour brains turning to mush because you'll NEVER find out how Mary Poppins is involved!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Wait....What?

**ummbob:** I FOUND SHINY!!!

-.-;;;


	4. Kurama's Evidence

**_Chapter 4: Kurama's Evidence_**

**Hiei:** .....Where am I?

**Voice:** You are here....Hiei? was it? I am your therapist Dr. Poppins.

**Hiei: **Therapist?.....Dr.Poppins?!

**Poppins:** Yes....Mary Poppins..../breaks into song/......Just a spoonful of sweet snow makes the medicine go down, the medicine go down, the medicine go down.

**Hiei:** NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiei wakes up to find himself in a room with Kurama and Yusuke both off to one side daydreaming and this mysterious woman leaning over him. He is on a couch wondering how he got there and why he did. The last thing he remembered was Kurama barely saving their lives and him having no energy to continue. Upon realizing he passed out, a million different other questions popped into his head. Where is he, why is he there, and 'I sure hope this girl is not called Mary Poppins!'

**Woman:** Hello Hiei. I'm your therapist. My name is Vivian, most people refer to me as Dr.Penguin....don't ask. Are you feeling alright? You seem to be very stressed.

**Hiei:** Hn.

**Vivian:** O.O....OOOKAY.

**Hiei:** Why am I here...PENGUIN?

**Vivian:** To deal with your "sweet snow" obsession of course. It's not good to want something so badly when it hurts you dear.

**Hiei:** Number one....don't call me dear...number two....I'm not obssesed.....Obsession is an emotion and I do not feel. Who told you such a thing? Why I've never heard such nonsense in my entire life!!!!

**Kurama:** I told her Hiei. You are obssessed and you need help.

**Hiei:** I am NOT OBSSESSED KITSUNE!

Kurama pulls out a CD and places it in the CD Player in Dr.Penguin's office.

**Kurama:** .....Dr. Vivian.....YOU be the judge.

CD plays a pop song....Hiei's singing.

I love sweet snow....dun da da da dun dun da.....I love sweet snow......Sweet snow in the morning time.....sweet snow in the hot sun shine.....sweet snow baby can't you see.....that's all I want you to feed me!

**Kurama:**.......Moving along.....

Next song is country.......(Wow....can you imagine HIEI singing country?! He must love that sweet snow.)

I like my sweet snow...in a bun.....while I ride my hog 'round in th' sun.....My sweet snow helps me cool down on ma' farm, while ma' cow's a layin' in th' barn.

**Kurama:**....../Twitch/.....moving along

CD plays rap.

YO YO YO HOMIE....WE BE THUGGIN'.......MY SWEET SNOW MAKES ME TAKE TIME OFF FROM THE MUGGIN'......MA HO SAY SHE WANT TO EAT MY SWEET SNOW.......SO I SHOT HER IN THE BOOB MADE THE SILICON BLOW!!!! YO YO YO CHECK IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT......EATIN' MY SWEET SNOW IS WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT....-

Kurama cuts the song off. Moves on to a rock song.

You look like sweet snow.....you taste like sweet snow......Oh how I love my sweeeet snow. I was so lonely, then you came and made me feel alive. Your lovely smell, your special place in my bowl.....you feel like sweet snow through the rain....like all the things that ever brought me pain....I love my sweet snow. SWEET SNOW!!!!!!!!!!

.....Elvis song.

Wise men say....only bakas rush in....but I can't help eating a gallon or two. Spoons float by....in my mouth you fly.....and I can't help.....feeling the freeze from you....like the river flows surely to the sea......Darling so it goes sweet snow and I were meant to be!.....Take my hand....be my wife forever too.....'cause sweet snow I can't help....falling in love with you.

/Everyone except Hiei anime fell/

**Hiei:** .....What's your point Kurama?

/They get up and fall again/

**Kurama:** Hiei....you're obsessed! It's unhealthy. You need to find a way to stop before it destroys your whole life.

**Hiei:** Hn

**Yusuke:** Shiny liked the last song.

Hiei glares at Yusuke, Kurama sweatdrops, and Vivian is wishing she could quit psychology......(Poor girl, she must share my pain).....

**Kurama:** Hiei....your lullaby song is POP GOES THE SWEET SNOW!.....You have a stuffed sweet snow can that you can't sleep without, and you dream of marrying it!!!!

**Hiei:** .....Your point being.....

**Kurama:** YOU'RE OBSSESSED!

**Hiei:** AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Yusuke:** SHINY!!!!!!!!!!

**Vivian:** SHUT UP!!!!!! (Good job Viv.) Now.....I need to speak to Hiei alone for a minute....Kurama.....please return to where you were.

**Kurama:** Ok.

**Vivian:** Now Hiei.....we're going to try a little word association game.

**Hiei:** Hn

**Vivian:** ok.....first word.....Kurama

**Hiei: **Skitzo Plant Loving Freak!!! Sweet snow!

**Vivian:** ......Yusuke

**Hiei:** ADD Shiny Loving Baka!!!! Sweet snow!

**Vivian:** ......Tree

**Hiei:** Sweet Snow.

**Vivian:** .....Why Sweet Snow?

**Hiei:** ....If Sweet Snow grew on trees I wouldn't have gotten in trouble.

**Vivian: **.....Oookay......Sister

**Hiei:** Sweet snow

**Vivian:** Care to explain?

**Hiei:** Her hair reminds me of mint chocolate chip sweet snow.

**Vivian:** -.-;;;......last one.....baby oil

**Hiei:** Sweet snow.

**Vivian:** /twitch/.....why?

**Hiei:** Sweet snow is more comforting.

**Vivian:** Hiei....you're obssessed.....but there might be hope. Take this diary and write everything you go through everyday. We'll build from there....ok?

**Hiei:** /Takes book/.....Hn.

**Vivian:** Kurama....you will monitor Hiei's behavior so take good care of him and don't pull him away from sweet snow just yet.

**Kurama:** Ok.

**Vivian:** The obssession will worsen if you do.

**Hiei:** NOT OBSSESS- /pop goes the weasel from the ice cream truck plays/ .......SWEET SNOW!!!!!!!!!!! /Hiei leaps out of the window/.....WHERE'S MY SWEET SNOW, SWEET SNOW MAN?!?!?!?!

Vivian and Kurama: -.-;;;;

**Yusuke:** .......Shiny!!!!! /Yusuke leaps out of the couch to catch shiny/

Vivian and Kurama: /Anime fall/

**Vivian:** We have so much to do....

**Kurama:** .....Agreed Dr.Penguin. ( I had to pick this rediculous name because it sounds funny when Kurama says it in a serious tone.)

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Well hope you like it. Please continue to review....I have an emotional complex that is only satisfied if people approve /sob/.....Why am I so alone! WHY?!?!?!?!?......not really......I just like to read what you think. Besides...if you don't it'll be your loss....**_I Know_** how the story ends....I wrote it!....You may add suggestions if you so choose.....Bye! 


	5. Hiei's JournalDay 1

(You will find out first-hand why I rated this story PG-13....Sorry but the cussing seemed appropriate in this chapter....my sister said I should add a disclaimer....WHAT KIND OF A DUMBASS WOULD THINK I OWN THIS!!!!)

_**Hiei's Journal....Day 1**_

'Baka ningens....why do I have to write in this stupid book?! If it will get me sweet snow I don't care. I have to prove that their obsessions are worse than mine..../SMIRK/...Hn won't be that hard.'

**Hn...Day 1**

**Today was quite amusing. I went out with the ningen bakas to the park for a picnic....THAT'S RIGHT.....A F'''ING PICNIC!!!! I a half-fire/half-ice demon on a F'''ing PICNIC!!!!! Everyone was there....the detective, the detective's girlfriend....KuwaBAKA, the baka fiery onna OARGIRL!, and of course....the FOX!!! They're dispicable! Even Yukina was there....and the baka was trying to impress her. I'll impress him....into a million pieces!!!! /TwitchGlare/ Hn. We had lovely heart-shaped sandwiches with a spot of tea! A F'''ING SPOT OF TEA!!!! **(Author gets a nosebleed....A SPOT OF TEA!!.....Where is that fish?!) **As you may have guessed the BAKA ONNA OARGIRL said..."A spot of tea." Keiko....made the heart-shaped sandwiches....while my sister...realizing it was too hot for tea....made ice cubes to create icetea!....All I want is my sweet snow....after dealing with this waste of neurons PICNIC!....I surely deserve it! **

**I had no one to talk to...the only people who were worthy of me speaking were Yukina and Kurama....and at the moment both were busy....Yukina with the ice and Kurama....WITH A DAMN SHRUB!!!! He was TALKING to A DAMN SHRUB!!!!....At least he wasn't Yusuke who was jumping around saying "SHINEY!" Over and over again until he fell in a ditch and found "MUDDY!" Kuwabaka was making a"Kitten" shaped mini sculpture from the damn sandwiches....because they were uneatable considering BOARTAN doesn't know that "mayotard" **(Mayonaise and mustard combined) **does NOT belong on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!!! Her baka ass was probably too busy having a "SPOT OF TEA" with her OAR to notice that it wasn't the Jelly she grabbed from the refrigirator!!!!**

**Deep....Cleansing....Breaths.....anyways, I suddenly heard someone break into song....sweet voice....the stupidest song in the history of the world....well besides that song Yoko sings....it was Yukina's voice. **

"Sing sweet nightigale.....sing sweet nightingale....high-i-i-i-i-i above me."

**All of a sudden the entire forest is surrounding us and Yukina is happily frolicking with the animals.....while the birds sing sweetly and the happy /twitch/ fluffy /twitch/ bunnies hop around merrily,**(Think of Snow White)** while raccoons and moles came up,**(That's right Snow White)** and a cow mooing in ???)....and there in the corner....a pig, an ass, and a squirrel are doing the wave.....wait....no that would be Yusuke-covered in mud- Kuwabara- in his natural habitat- and Kurama- digging a hole to bury an acorn.....Hn...same thing...then the tone deaf sirens join in....Botan and Keiko start to sing.....**

"STAMPEDE!!!!"

**The ending of this picnic was happy.....Kuwabaka got trampled by a moose.**

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So....was it good? I'll make short chapters from now on....but I'll update more often....hope you enjoyed it...I laughed myself to tears writing it. Review please. _


	6. Baka Fox Meditation

_**Chapter6: Baka Fox Meditation**_

**Hn...Day2**

**I really miss missions. Missions are fun. I get to watch my "Friends" run for their lives like roaches in a tap dancing convention. /Smirk/ Not today though....we are still enjoying our peaceful, relaxing, happy-ass vacation. Yesterday we took Kuwabara to the hospital to restore him from Moose Trampling Syndrome. There he entered the Guenis Book Of World Records by failing a blood test!!...Then again...it may have been due to the fact that Yusuke was in the testing room with Kuwabaka and thought the needle was his long lost "SHINEY!!!"...I've been instructed to write poetry about my feelings....this is a non-rhyming one of Shiney.**

**Shiney....Die! (By Darkness)**

**Yusuke....Die!! (By Hairgel)**

**Muddy....Die! (By Water) **

**Baka....Die! (By Trampling Moose)**

........(Applauds)....Thank you....Hn. /Weird bongo music plays/.../Hiei and Author glare/....../Bongo musician player miraculously disappears/...../Hiei and Author whistle/...

**Today was boring.....we took the Baka home.....we had lunch......I HAD SWEET SNOW! /Twitch/ MINE!!!!!!............Um.....yeah. Kurama wants me to stop eating so much sweet snow....he suggested I "Channel my negative energy into something productive." Only the fox..../sigh/....I tried his "CHANNELING PIECE OF SHIT!" We sat in the yard........by an OAK.....and meditated. We meditated by repeatedly saying the word "Tree"....not "Ohm"............TREE!!!!!** (Author twitches) **"Treeeeeeeeeee" "Treeeeeeee" "Treeeeeee".....that was the fox. I meditated to the word "Duct Taaaaape!"....Then I brought my word of meditation...tied the fox to the damn "Tree-eee-eee!!" (SHORT TAPE, SHORT TREE, SHORT BUS!!!) Now the fox can be "AT ONE!" with "NATURE'S WONDERFUL DIVERSITY!!!!!" BAKA FOX!!!....enjoy it being glued to a tree BITCH!! ....While the squirrels eye you lovingly....hehehe....Hn...Fool! /Goes back to meditating/ "Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Sweet Snow.....Yummmmm."**

**After about an hour of meditating....INSIDE!!! Away from Kurama's muffled screams and the damn Treee-ee-ee. /Glare/ I'll go check on the fox....he's suffered enough....the squirrels probably raped him by now....he smelled like acorns.....no thanks to the car air freshener I tied around his neck....Muahahahahahahahaha!!! You'd expect he was uncomfortable right.....WRONG!!! The fox was having a nature meeting with the fuzzy creatures...they had evidently untied him and decided to "Hang Out." Kurama was TALKING to them!!!!....In THEIR NATIVE TONGUE!!! **

**Kurama:** Squeaky, Squeak, Squeak Squeaker....Squeaky Squeak?

**Squirrels:** Squeaker, Squeak, Squeak, Squeaken, Squeaky, Squeak, Squeak.

**Kurama:** SQUEAK!!!!

**The squirrels attacked me....I'm having myself a squirrel barbique with a side of fox!!! Fist Of The Mort- .....I decided to run instead....Kurama was probably involved in some sort of animal rights movement and would wind up throwing me in jail....I'll be damned if I will stay in a ningen prison. Anyway...the chase didn't last long....Yukina showed up....and then she, Kurama, and the squirrels sat happily together....UNDER THE OAK TREE-EE-EE!! **(Author & Hiei sit shaking with unexpressed rage)

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(Author still shaking!) Well people.....review....I have work to do..../Plots revenge on Kurama and the squirrels/....Muahahahahahahaha! 


	7. The Boss is Nuts!

**_Chapter 7: The Boss Is Nuts! _**

_**Hn...Day 3...Word**_

**/Twitch/.../Twitch/.../Twitch/...**(Author twitches...Don't worry we'll tell you WHY we're twitching in a minute.) **Of all things. Let me start at the very begining...today we were called upon to see the "MIGHTY KOENMA"...Hn. I thought to myself 'Yes! New mission!'...um...No...it really wasn't. It was more of a personal problem the "Prince" had. Now, before you continue reading this to find out what happened...be sure nothing sharp or hard is next to you...I wished there was when I was forced to view this horror...as were the rest of the spirit detectives...let's begin.**

**Well first off...Kurama and Yukina's little meeting with the squirrels was called off on account of 'Shiney'...I have never felt so happy in my life...the squirrels were gone...Yes!** (Author whistles...WHAT? I didn't call Yusuke./shifts eyes/.) **Anyway...the detective had the baka with him and said "Pacifier Breath" needed to see us immediately. He sounded serious...until he thought Shiney was being attacked by a squirrel who appeared to be giving Shiney an acorn.**

**Yusuke: **Shiney...Nooooooooo!

**He supposedly grabbed Shiney from thin air...scaring the squirrel away! YES!...Ahem...and receiving weird looks from all of us. Yusuke then said the stupidest thing possible.**

**Yusuke: **Shiney is allergic to acorns.

/Everyone Anime Falls/.../Hiei sweatdrops/...(Author /blink/...wow...that really WAS dumb.)

**Well...after all the Shiney excitement we headed for Spirit World. Of course Botan's happy oar riding ass escorted us. Upon arriving in Sprit World, we entered Koenma's office to find something oddly out of order and terriblly WRONG! Koenma was busy stamping papers as usual but...it wasn't as usual.**

**Koenma: **Stamp?...Word

Stamp?...Word

Approval?...Word

Come back from the dead?...Word

Take over the world?...That is Whack! (Damn he said no to mine)

**Koenma was sitting there with a stamp that said "WORD"...and a huge one around his neck which read... "THAT IS WHACK!" He was dressed in grey baggy pants with his butt hanging out...someone called "Spongebob" 's boxers, a pink shirt reading "I. B. Pimpin."...and a backwards cap...upon trying to get up, his "PLATINUM" got stuck on the desk because the "THAT IS WHACK!" stamp was hung on it. **(/Author begins to cry/...WHY GOD! WHY!) **It was weird..."George"...the ogre was wearing some pink fluffy robe with a "MAGIC STICK"...and a bandana which was already ripped by his offending horn.**

**George: **Da PimpMaster says sit yo!

**Yusuke: **...What the Hell!

**Kurama/**thinking how many squirrels were killed to make the robe/...Um...why do I feel in the Pimp layer of a rap artist?

**I...being NOT OF EARTH did not understand what a "Pimp" was...but from what I saw...it was evil and deserved death!...the robe looks like strawberry sweet snow...IT may live. Koenma walks forward to us. **

**Koenma: **Wazzup my homies. We be chillin' in ma thugged out crib yo...Word!

**Everyone: **/Twitch...Twitch...Twitch/...WHAT THE F"""!

**Kuwabara: **Ko-en-ma...y-y-you-

**Hiei: **Hn...The fools brain is shortcircuiting!

**Koenma: **OOh...YOU GOT SERVED YO...WORD!

**Hiei: **Why do you look like a rotting stick of bubble gum?

**Koenma: **Ooh...I JUST GOT SERVED YO...WORD! Why you be rankin' on my threads man!...I be lookin' thuged out G...WORD! And my Platinum dogg...IT'S OFF THE CHAIN DOGG...Why's you trippin'?

**Kurama: **Koenma...not to be rude or anything...but...you're WHITE!

**Koenma: **/nods up to Ogre/.../George turns on music then both start to dance/...We're black, we know it, we shake our big booties and show it. We ain't white, we ain't white, we definately ain't white /Music from not another teen movie/.../Koenma and Ogre start shaking their ass in unison/.../Pillow drops from the back of Koenma's pants...and he is now buttless./ .../record scraches/... DOGG! THAT IS WHACK!...WORD!

**There are no words to describe my fear at the moment...I just want to go home and curl up next to my stuffed Sweet Snow plushie...and just pretend I never saw that happen. Even Shiney, Yusuke, Kurama, and the baka were silent. This was not a good sign. This is my life Dr. Penguin...don't I deserve my sweet snow for dealing with this Bull Shit!...Word!...Hn.**

_

* * *

Hahahahahahahahahahahhahaha! I'm hoping all of you are okay after reading that. As you have guessed I will have a different obsession for everyone. Let's recap. _

_Hiei: Sweet Snow._

_Kurama: Plants and wildlife_

_Yusuke: Shiney_

_Kuwabara: Kittens_

_Botan: Her oar_

_Yukina: Ice & Inspirational songs_

_Koenma: Being black_

_I will do Keiko and possibly Shizuru. Review to tell me if you liked this...if any of you live past the trauma of imagining Koenma and Ogre shake their ass-.-'''_


	8. Hiei and The Chair Elf Pricks

_**Chapter 8: HIEI AND THE CHAIR ELF PRICKS!**_

_**To kill or not to kill, that is the question.**_

_**Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer**_

_**The baka "Ice" you foolishly wear,**_

_**Or to jump on you and your ass tear,**_

_**And by doing so end all headaches. To hurt, to twitch**_

_**No more; and by your strangled screams end it all...**_

/Elf runs in with a chair and interrupts Hiei's soliloquy./ (Wait...elf?)

_**What the F'''! ELF! I must be seeing things**_.

**_The headaches, and the millions of fleeting thoughts_**

**_Those thoughts that kill are a barrier_**

**_Put up never to be put down. To maim, to hurt you_**

**_To hurt you perhaps to be happy, that may be quite impossible;_**

**_For in hurting you I will in Spirit World forever be imprisioned..._**

/Two Elves run in and get chairs/

/Hiei stands up and puts out his sword ready to strike/_**.../Twitch/...Baka Elfin race...**_/Hiei goes to sit down and falls because they took his chair./_**...MOTHER! First they take my sweet snow and now my chair. Hn...since when do I need a chair? I forgot where I stopped...not like it matters you can't have a soliloquy without solitude and those Elfin bastards took that away too. Oh well...not important...Where am I? The last thing I remember is being the the baka prince's office of "Pimp"...Hn, Fool.**_

/15 Elves come in with chairs and start getting on them...then they begin to sing./ (You remember the song that the pink elephants sang when Dumbo was drunk...YEP,This is it./Twitch/)

**_The Chair Elves on Parade!_**

**_Uh huh...I'm killing this...THING...whatever IT is!_**

**_What'll I do?_**

**_What'll I do?_**

**_What an unusual view?_**

**_/Twitch/...Chair elf with thong on. Eww. Ahh...make it stop!_**

**_The Chair Elves on Parade!_**

**_We're eating, we're eating_**

**_We're eating your sweet snow by your head, on your bed_**

**_Horray! The chair elves are on paraaade_**

**_AHHHHH!_**

**_Sweet Snow!_**

/Three images come to view/

**Voice:** "Hiei? Hiei? Hiei!"

**Hiei:** "Sweet Snow?...Are you here to save me?"

**Voice:** "Save you?"

**Hiei:** "Oh yes my sweet snow."

**_Hiei could see three icecream cones in front of him. A strawberry one with two green M&Ms. A chocolate one with Brown M&Ms and an orange one which wasn't amusing to Hiei at all...it looked like it was leaking._**

**Voice:** "Hiei?...are you okay?"

Hiei/Hugs Strawberry sweet snow/ ...Marry me?

**Voice: _/Twitch/_** ...WHAT!... **_/Smack/_**

**_Hiei's vision became clear._**

**Hiei:** "Kurama?...What the Hell! How did I get here? Where's my sweet snow...I just asked it to marry me. Ow my head."

**Kurama:_ /Twitch/..._**"Hiei did you just mistake me for sweet snow? You asked ME to marry you!"

**_Hiei decided to take full advantage of this situation. He came closer to Kurama and held his hands...Kurama twitched uncontrollably._**

**Hiei:** "So...Will you?"

**Kurama:** ...

**Hiei:** /Rolling on the floor laughing/ YOU THOUGHT I ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME! I thought you were a strawberry sweet snow cone BAKA!

**Kurama:** /Confused/ ...

**Hiei:** "Sorry Kurama...you're /chuckle/...not... /chuckle/...my.../Breaks into fit of laughter/...type!

**Kurama:** "Squeaken!"

**_Squirrels come out of no where and attack Hiei. Hiei doesn't move because his head still hurts._**

**Hiei:** "Ok, sorry Kurama...but please stop the squirrels...I'm in too much pain...what happened to me anyways?"

**Kurama:** "Squeaky." /Squirrels move away/..."You passed out after Koenma and Ogre started dancing.../Twitch/...then you were screaming about chair elves...then you asked me to marry you...and now you're speaking in complete sentences and actually laughing, and playing practical jokes...AT MY EXPENSE!...Why aren't you always like this/Chuckle/...I'd actually marry you.

**Hiei:** ..."Kurama, being married to you would SUCK!...I'd have to share you with squirrels!"

**Kurama:** "Likewise...only I'd have to share you with sweet snow...granted I'll be mistaken for it half the time."

**Yusuke:** "Will you both marry me and Shiney?...wait...Shiney says I can't share her with anyone." 

**Hiei&Kurama:** /Sweatdrop/

**Kuwabara:** ..."I wanna marry Yukina...but she's allergic to cats."

**Hiei:** "Hn." /Translation/...YES! SUCCESS!

**Kurama:** "Soooo, what was that all about."

**Hiei:** "Had a nightmare were chair elves took my sweet snow."

**Kurama:** "Chair elves?"

**Yusuke:** "Shiney used to be a chair elf in her past life."

**All: **/Thud/

**Hiei:** "Ow...my head...I said a spoof off of Hamlet...'To kill or not to kill'...about Koenma...then the chair elves attacked."

**Kurama:** "Must've been horrible...how's your head?"

**Hiei:** "Fine Kitsune."

**Yusuke:** "Koenma can't dance...Shiney says he has no ass...ogre has a nice ass."

**Hiei:** **_/Twitch/_**..."This conversation is on its way out of the closet! Let's stop."

**Kuwabara:** "There's no room in my closet."

**Kurama:** "Oh my God!"

**Yusuke:** "Shiney's afraid of toads."

**Hiei:** ...

**Kurama:** ...

**Kuwabara:** ...

**All: **/Anime fall/

**Yusuke:** "Toady, my lucky pan!" (Author: I'm putting a stop to this.)

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Okay, so this is my chapter...ummm...don't ask...I just thought it would be funny...well REVIEW!

Guess what! March 4th is my birthday! I'm 18! YAY! SWEET SNOW! PIE!

Ummbob: ...actually...shiney's afraid of african-bob-squirrels...GAH!


	9. The Revealation of Shiny

**_Chapter 9: Doctor Penguin's Office...And The Revealation Of Shiny_**

**_Dr. Penguin:_** Oh hello everyone. Please take a seat.

**_Hiei:_** Hn.

**_Kurama:_** Pleasure to see you again Doctor.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** Likewise Kurama...where is Yusuke?

**_Kurama:_** Um.../Looks around/

**_Dr. Penguin:_** Kurama?

**Kurama:** He's...Umm...

**_Hiei:_** Chasing Shiny around Victoria's Sercet at the mall. Hn.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** O.O.../twitch/...

**_Hiei:_** Shiny needs a new bra.

**_Dr. Penguin: _**/Anime Fall/

**_Hiei:_** Apparently Shiny's a girl

**_Dr. Penguin:_** O.O.../Twitch/.../Nose bleed/...Naturally.

**Hiei:** Hn.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** So...Hiei? How've you been?

**_Hiei:_** Hn.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** /Sweatdrop/ Good to know. I trust you've been keeping your journal.

**_Hiei:_** /Hands her journal/

(15 minutes later)

**_Dr. Penguin: _**You seriously chanted Tree?...Kurama you speak squirrel?

**_Kurama:_** Squeaken?

**_Dr. Penguin:_** Hiei? You proposed to Kurama thinking he was Sweet Snow?...Your boss is a Pimp?

**_Hiei:_** Hn.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** O.O...'_the entire group is in need of serious therapy'._ ...Um...hehe...thank you for writing all of this down Hiei...Kurama can I speak to you for a minute?

**_Kurama:_** Squeak.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** In HUMAN/Twitch/

**_Kurama:_** Sure.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** ...Everyone around Hiei has an obssession with something and his seems to be the most normal I'm afraid...

**_Kurama:_** What are you saying Doctor?

/Music from Soap Opera plays/ (A/N...What the hell?)

**_Dr. Penguin:_** What the Hell?...You should all come for therapy.

**_Kurama:_** THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS!

/Britney Spears' Outrageous Plays/ (A/N...Oh Hell no.)

**_Kurama:_** Oh hell no.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** What I'm trying to say is that everyone you hang out with is insane.

**_Kurama:_** I suppose you do have a point there.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** Indeed I do...especially that Yusuke kid...and his "Shiny"...what is Shiny anyways.

**_Kurama:_** Umm...do I have to answer that?

**_Dr. Penguin:_** Yes.

**_Kurama:_** (Stares off into space...well...out the window...Seemingly in thought)

**_Dr. Penguin:_** (Leans in very closely to listen to Kurama's explaination.)

**_Kurama:_** ...That's a lovely Birch Tree you have growing outside your office Doctor.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** /THUD/ I should've known. (Goes outside to where Hiei is.) Hiei?

**_Hiei:_** Hn?

**_Dr. Penguin:_** What is "Shiny" anyways?

**_Hiei:_** My journal thing...Page 4.

**_Dr. Penguin:_** (Opens the Journal and begins to read)

"_It appears that fate is on our side today...not only did I get to have my favorite Chocolate Sweet Snow...MINE!...with the pretty M&Ms and the sprinkles on it...but I also figured out what in God's name Shiny is. Yusuke was talking to it. I just happened to walk into the room. He told me to come in. My curiousity got the better of me so I did. Yusuke then proceeded to "Properly" introduce me to Shiny. Then Shiny began to whine...or so Yusuke said. Shiny was whining because she was "fat". Yusuke then began making "her" feel better by telling her that it's normal to be as big as she is being what she is. That's when I asked._

_Hiei: Yusuke...what is Shiny exactly?_

_Yusuke: You really can't tell Hiei?_

_Hiei: No_

_After a long unbelievablly dull conversation...it was FINALLY established that Shiny...is a Bison."_

**_Dr. Penguin:_** /THUD/

(Author/Nosebleed/)

* * *

Well my loyal fans. I thought it would be nice to finally tell you what Shiny is...and I did. Alot ofyou have been asking lately.It's Yusuke's imaginary Bison friend. Umm...yeah. Sorry I took forever to update. I was just so busy with stuff. Hope you liked the Chapter. I'll update soon I promise...REVIEW! Or for all you Squirrel speaking freaks.../Glares at Kurama/...Squeaken.


	10. Cars, AquaNet, and Questioning Squirrels

_**Disclaimer:** In addition to not owning Yu Yu Hakusho, I also do not own AquaNet, Or any of the cars. (Aqua Net is a type of hairspray to those of you who don't know.)_

_**Chapter 10: Cars, AquaNet, and Pissed Off Interrogating Squirrels **_

**Hiei's POV**

_**Dr. Penguin suggested everyone in the team get some serious help...preferably come to her for help...the poor woman must be suicidal. Hn, then again, if this continues and she does kill herself...I'll be free...so what do I care. I just hope that when she finally loses it, Kurama doesn't suggest Squirrel conseling. /Twitch/ Anyways, she told me to continue writting in my journal. Nothing better to do, no one's around...I've been forced to stay in Kurama's room all day while he's at school. He's afraid I'll attack the sweet snow man again. He even payed several squirrels to watch me.../Squeakety Squeak/ (Translation: M''''' F'''ER!) Hn.**_

Hiei's Diary (Entry One...Week 2)

_**Kurama has me trapped in a room while the squirrels guard me till he gets back afraid I'll hurt the Sweet Snow man. You may be asking yourself, "Why is Sweet Snow always capitalized?" Well, I respect Sweet Snow enough to think of it as a proper noun...that's why I capitalize it. Hn. I'm currently looking at a car magazine Yusuke brought over. He said Shiny was the model standing next to the car...there were no models in the magazine...just really cool cars...but we pretended to see shiny for Yusuke's sake. /Shifts eyes/ I couldn't care less if his feelings were hurt...but Kurama started a plant metaphor about the neglected plant withering away...so I sympathized with Yusuke to avoid hearing 'The Tale Of Two Ferns'. Anyways this is giving me an idea about a perfect car for everyone in the group...I'm imagining what they'd look like. **_

**_ Mine would be the Sweet Snow truck...with a Dragon painted on it...and it will be black...with Flames rising on the sides of it. It'll be cool. No one would want to buy my Sweet Snow because the Dragon and the flames would be a turn off...and I'll have all the Sweet Snow I like...ALL OF IT! MINE! And then me and my Sweet Snow plushie will live happily ever after. Hn. ALSO MINE!_**

**_ Yusuke's car will be a Yellow (Volks Wagon)...or "Beetle" like the Ningens call it. It will naturally be yellow because it's Shiny's favorite color. The horn would go "SPIRIT GUN"...and..."COME BACK SHINY!"...and..."I didn't do it Keiko!" He'd probably have no mirrors because Shiny gets jealous of OTHER luminous objects in her presence.../Rolls Eyes/...that's what he claims. _**

_** The Oaf (Kuwabaka)'s car will be any car with a GIANT "Hello Kitty" head on the top of it. The horn would probably have every cat in the entire block chasing after it...the Meow Mix theme. AAH! Yeah, that's a very relaxing thought. /Twitch/ Trunk full of raw tuna and meow mix. What a lovely smell. /Retches/ **_

_** I think the most interesting one would be Kurama's car. It will be a Black Jaguar. Surprised? You shouldn't be...Kurama's very cool and really edgy. Nevermind the fact that it will be powered by Solar Energy making it environmentally friendly, and he will probably paint a rose whip on it...that would be cool. I can imagine him hanging his favorite fox-tail on the dash board...next to his favorite Acorn. /Sweat drops/ the glove compartment will be full of seeds and the trunk will be filled with Aqua Net...because that's the last place a squirrel would look. **_

_**I'll explain the last statement. Two days ago...after we left your office...we ran into Yusuke wearing Shiny's bra...he was "Stretching it so it doesn't hurt Shiny when she has to wear it".../blink/ yeah, that was it. **(A/N/Wink/ RIIIIIGHT.) **Anyways to clear that disturbing thought out of our minds, Kurama and I went to get some Sweet Snow. I had 12...he payed too much and was upset with me. Stupid Fox...I was kinda depressed because he wasn't talking to me though...then I was over it. Hn.**_

_**Anyways, we got home to find a hoard of squirrels in police outfits...**(A/N: Don't ask. OH PLEASE DON'T ASK!)**...the head squirrel approached Kurama...**_

**_Head Squirrel Police Cheif: _**"Squeak"**_ (Translation: Hello)_**

**_Kurama: _**"Squeak, squeaken squeak squeak?" **_(Translation: Is there a problem Officer?)_**

**_Head Squirrel Police Cheif: _**"Squee." **_(Translation: You're under arrest for possession of environmentally unsafe things in your home Mr. Minamino. You have the right to remain silent, any words you say could be used against you in court of law. You may call your lawyer.) _**

**_Kurama: _**...

**_Hiei: _**What did you find?

**_Kurama: _**...

**_Head Squirrel Police Cheif: _**/Growls Furiously/ "SQUEAKEN." **_(Translation: AquaNet)_**

**_Well, let's just say that the squirrels confescated the Aqua Net...for two days Kurama didn't leave the house. He was in his bed all day crying and hugging an empty AquaNet bottle while hiding his hair under the comforter. It looked fine to me...but he didn't agree. _**"It doesn't have as much /Sob/ volume anymore Hiei!" **_It was rediculous...so I went and bought him a new bottle and we hid it from the squirrels...in. an. oak tree. Hn, ironic...but what do I care...he bought me Sweet Snow. That is all. Hn._**

_

* * *

_

_Umm, hi. Well, I'm REALLY sorry about the.../Checks her last update date/...Holy Shit! Nearly THREE WHOLE MONTHS! I'm sorry...I AM SO SORRY! I'll update sooner I promise. I was just in a very bad mood. I updated my deppressing story more than this one. I hope you liked this chapter. Squeeaken (Translation: Review Please.) _


	11. Flitting For A Better Donkey

_Disclaimer: I do not own YuYuHakusho...DUH!...and if I owned that one chick that does the exercises in the morning on Lifetime...she would be on DEADtime. I don't own Lifetime either. So, I own nothing...except for this plot and the adoration it gets me from you peoples...enjoy!_

**_Chapter 11: Flitting For a Better Donkey_**

Journal Entry: Whatever Number After the Last Number. Hn.

_**Hn. Well I've decided that since the stupid Fox has locked me in the room so I wouldn't eradicate the Sweet Snow man that I shall use my time wisely and exercise. Kurama's smart ass suggested that I watch some human show about that since they all come on early in the morning when he leaves...so I did and now I have found the right place to misplace my aggression...her name is Denise. She is by far the most annoying woman alive. Not only does she act like an overly cheerful Botan.../Twitch/...but she also.../Twitch/...I don't know. Let's just say that watching 5 minutes of her made me physically ill. I have decided to figure out where she lives and burn it...along with her fat reducing diet and wrinkle release creams/Glare/ **_

_**(Five minutes later after Hiei has composed himself and author hit her head against the wall out of the sheer horror that is the exercise hour with /GLARE/ DENISE!)**_

_**Hn, anyways, I have decided to make my own exercise routine which will put hers into oblivion.**_

_**Flitting For a Better Ass**_

**_By: Hiei_**

_**We shall start out day off with these exercises...which will keep us healthy and happy just like killing a multitude of useless people would...we know this stuff people, why aren't we doing it. We also know that berries and nuts are good...for distracting the squirrels outside Kurama's window while I pound that bastard holding my Sweet Snow captive into a bloody pulp. /Grr/ I'LL SHOW YOU! Ahem...anyways, we shall now start with our first exercise. **_

_**The Sword Draw: This is a great upper body exercise. It helps shape your arms and chest. Now follow me on this one. Hold your sword and sheath it. Thrust it into any pointless object lying around the room...like Kurama's plant cultivation journal.../Slice/...you can improvise by slicing anything you find meaningless enough...like for example that stupid fern or that /Twitch/ Love your squirrel poster/Glare/.../Slice/. Taking out aggression on inatimate objects is always a good thing...though not as satisfying as doing it on living things...because they beg and plead and whine and their suffering is much more entertaining. Hn. **_

_**Next exercise...**_

_**The Flit: This is how I maintain my nice sexy ass. Hn. Everyone likes my ass. Kurama has no ass, Yusuke has a saggy ass and I can't keep from getting nauseous long enough to look at the Fool's...but nothing on him is good so we just assume it sucks. Hn. I know these things because everyone of them whines about it. Kurama is always worried about how his pants look so he wears the most rediculous shirts to distract from the pants...and Yusuke...well, lets just say neither Keiko, nor Shiny are very pleased...maybe I should help them...they could pay by buying me Sweet Snow, Hn. Anyways, The Flit: Stand on a flat surface...such as the floor or the afore mentioned Kurama's ass. Now, push your feet down hard and jump up. In my case I can flit about 9 feet high...but as a beginner do not be discouraged if you can only pick yourself up a few inches of the ground...you'll get better, and if you don't...get over it. Hn. **_

_**Step three in our exercise system...**_

_**The Hn:...You may not believe it but 'Hn'ing causes you to lose those unwanted inches. Your general 'UP YOURS' attitude can get on everyone's nerves causing them to eat and you to feel better about yourself...thus becoming skinnier. **_

_**Step Four...**_

_**our last step is Yoga...NOT! On behalf of all the people who have ever watched Denise's routine, I say F''' the Yoga! NO ONE GIVES A SHIT! Hn! Step Four...steal Kurama's money, distract squirrels and go get Sweet Snow...it's the only food you're allowed to eat on your diet...DON'T ARGUE WITH ME! I'M AN EXPERT! HN!**_

_**/Slice/... /Flit/... /Hn/... SWEET SNOW!**_

_**Hours later Kurama came home and saw what my exercise session has done to his room...he's not amused...he said I'm too skinny to exercise anyways. Hn, I win. I will now go eat the Sweet Snow I bought with his money before he figures out he's $40 short. Until next time. This is Hiei saying...Hn.**_

**_PS: Kurama found out and punished me by tying me to a chair and making me watch that perky preppy bitch from hell for 6 hours. I SHALL GET YOU BACK KITSUNE! CURSE YOU YOGA!_**

* * *

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE! Author is not responsible for any body or mental injury cause by Hiei's exercise routine. If you attempt it...you've screwed yourself...metaphorically speaking.

I got the idea for this chapter and part of the previous one from the audio commentary on the series end dvd of Yu Yu Hakusho and I found it so funny I just HAD to incorporate it into my story. Oh and the lady comes on at like 8 am on Lifetime...trust me if you saw her you'd understand my and Hiei's pain. Thank you to all my reviewers and sorry I can't answer individual comments because of new rule. /Glares at site manager/...I shall make you watch her exercise routine for years to come you big sadisticmeany/Pout/.../Twitch/...I'm over it now...review. Hn.


	12. Notice

Author's note:

No I didn't die, and no, I'm not abandonning my stories. My muse has left me...it doesn't wish to speak to me anymore. Smacks muse See, I already know how all these stories end...all my stories...but I've been having a bad reaction to everything around me...people piss me off...things piss me off...everything pisses me off, therefore I really haven't felt the urge to write fantasy...lately it's been more along the lines of writing about how stupid humanity has become...so I'm sorry for the delay on all the stories. I'm sorry for being such a lazy author...I promise I will be back to finish these...hopefully soon. I'm sorry for having all of you wait this long. I pray my muse returns before I beat it black and blue and chain it behind me where it's supposed to be. Smacks it again Hn. That it all.

PS: Believe me...I've just read over my stories...and if I was waiting for an update...I would hate me too, lol. Sorry.


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